My parents made me grossly over-estimate how much black tie would be inolved in my adulthood

Two separate black tie events I attended with my father. Yes, I grew up in Downton Abbey.

Growing up with rich, socialite-y parents is confusing when you grow up to become a middle class weirdo…

When I was a child, I have TONS of memories of seeing my father in a tuxedo — seriously the man OWNED a tux, like “yes, I will be requiring this outfit for more than one occasion” — and my mother in an evening gown. My mother had an entire “evening gown section” of her walk-in closet-that-was-really-a-room. The heavy drapes of velvet and sequined fabric (it was the ’80s) became one of my favorite hide-and-seek spots.

I’m sure I’m mis-remembering, but it seemed like every month, my parents had a black tie event to attend. I’d watch them get ready — dad setting out his tux and shoes in his closet, then fussing with his cufflinks at the dresser, and mom glamorously accessorizing her stunning dress, then sitting down at her vanity to expertly apply makeup.

Hell, I even attended my fair share of black tie events as a child — wearing itchy, poofy dresses with gloves or giant bows, and those horribly-stiff, shiny-black, patent leather Mary Janes.

I had built up such a collection of fucking GOWNS, by the time I was in college, that I had more dresses to wear to balls and galas then to a your run-of-the-mill formal-ish parties. As I started getting rid of all my gowns — realizing that they were just taking up precious closet space — I thought, “WTF, mom and dad. Black tie was clearly NOT going be a major part of my social life like I thought it would be.”

I think I’ve attended ONE black tie event as a grown up — I was my mom’s date to the wedding of a childhood friend, held at The Los Angeles Country Club (yet another thing that, as a child, I thought would be more a part of my adult life). I ended up wearing the dress I wore to my cousins’ black tie wedding, held when I was in high school. (THAT dress, I kept, because it could make a good Black Swan costume one day.)

Recently, my mom and my friend Drew got into some weird designer gown discussion on Instagram…

Apparently, my mother had that dress pictured on the cover of Unmistakably Mackie: The Fashion and Fantasy of Bob Mackie. Because OF COURSE SHE DID!

And lo and behold here is her proof:

Oh you know… just my parents off to yet ANOTHER black tie event on New Years Eve, 1991.

Oh, and here’s a photo of them going out to their freaking 15th wedding anniversary dinner in 1992…

“In memory of Oscar! The dress I wore for our 15th Wedding Anniversary Dinner 1/15/1992 (The day after I bought my dress, this article was in the newspaper!”

Okay, so it’s not black tie, but do you know what Aaron and I wore to our anniversary dinner? Whatever the fuck we happened to be wearing that night. I wore leggings I think? Perhaps I put on heels to make it “fancy.”

Yeah… fancy dress parties are not a thing in my adult life. I don’t have a collection of designer dresses, and I’ve never gone out to a New Years Eve ball. And, in the 9 years I’ve known Aaron, I’ve never ONCE seen in him in a tuxedo. (I think he may have only ever worn one once in his lifetime, for his sister’s wedding?)

When I think about it… if I had a kid today, it would probably be hiding amongst my cosplay dresses, watching me excitedly putting together my latest costume, while Aaron rolls his eyes at the ridiculous specter I make once all “dolled up.”

I guess, in my adulthood, “couture and black tie dinner parties” have been replaced with “costumes and house parties.” It’s all SO very different then the glamorous, glittery, black tie at the golf club-filled, future my parents’ lives promised. …And probably a lot more comfortable. 😉