The other night, I went over to my best friend Ken’s “studio” and helped shut down the final Napzok Files podcast of the year.
There was whiskey, auto-snarking, talking about Christmas, my Dream Vortex on Maui, why that guy I married and I have an awesome marriage, gender issues, and generally exploring the super-special relationship I have with my best friend Ken.
If you’ve ever wondered wtf goes on when the two of us hang out, or HOW two very different people can be such stupid-close friends, THIS podcast will show you everything you need to know.
So it’s official: Christmas is cancelled. Due to work reasons, Aaron and I aren’t able to make it to Texas to spend Christmas with our families. We’re bummed as all hell, my parents are broken hearted, and my sister has basically threatened to kick my ass… if she ever gets to see me again.
Let me tell you about the first (and LAST) time we had Christmas on our own… Read More
I rolled up and stopped at light in front of a liquor store a couple blocks from my apartment. I noticed to my left, a very rotund, clearly homeless dude was pointing towards a small fire of what looked to be those coupon papers that you always get un-wantingly shoved into your mailbox. (What the fuck are those things? How can I stop them? Anyway…)
The guy went from pointing to the small fire to wandering over towards it, as another bundled-up, clearly homeless woman, who was sitting in the alley way to the side of the liquor store, started yelled his name. Although it sounded less like a name and more like two unintelegable syllables. “ahBEE ahBEE stop that. Stop that. ahBEE STOP THAT.” She screamed as the guy started stomping on the small raging fire with his big ‘ol boots.
Looking on from the entrance to the liquor store, were two patrons: one guy with a cell phone in his hand, one lady with a jug of water in hers. I stared at them, wondering when the lady with the water jug was going to — you know — POUR WATER ON THE FIRE. Or perhaps when the man with the cell phone would — you know — CALL SOMEONE.
Neither of these things happened.
“ahBEE” continued to stomp on the fire, as the bundled-up lady proceeded to yank on his arm. At one point, ahBEE’s boot caught on fire, and I went to snatch my phone to call 911. Fuck getting a ticket for cell phone-ing while driving, I was NOT about to watch a man burn up in flames while a woman with a jug full of water did NOTHING. But somehow he not only managed to put out the fire, but his boot un-caught on fire. Dah fuk?
Then it got weirder, and by weirder I mean perfect… Read More
In case you missed it on Home, I got back in the kitchen with my buddy Jessica and made another cooking video!
Please to enjoy a recipe that I didn’t make at all, only messed up buying the ingredients…
Jackson’s eyes went from looking a little weird when the light hit them just so. To bad — “oh hey, yeah, his eyes are looking kind of cloudy… I should probably Google that some time.” To worse — just about everyone noticed his eyes looking strange and cloudy at the Shark Attackiversary. Just two months ago, in August, we had a party with just about the same cast of characters and no one noticed anything off about Jackson, two months later, it’s being brought up constantly.
They got that bad, that fast, and we were both REALLY worried.
They day after the party, Jacksons cloudiest eye was also red and irritated, so Aaron took him to the vet the next day. (Yes, just Aaron.)
Wanna hear the good news/bad news/good news, with some questionable parenting thrown in for good measure? Read More
I went to Comikaze with Ken Napzok to watch talented friends share their talents on various panels — which makes me feel lucky enough. But we got lost on the way in, and, in doing so, saw a huge rainbow that stretched across the sky, looking as if it ended at the Hollywood sign in the distance. I think that was a sign of great things to come, because it ended up being one of my favorite days ever… Read More