(I found this while cleaning out the “drafts” section of my gmail. I lost this guy’s email address after I finished writing it, but I LOVE this email too much to erase it. When I wrote it there was to be a “town meeting” re: Winstons night club in our neighborhood. Hopefully someday, somehow, he’ll see this.)
To the GM of Winstons, Mr Harold Karsenty-
I am writing this email to you because I regretfully can not make it to the town meeting on March 12th and it DEVASTATES me that I won’t be able to attend, seriously, it would have made my day to tell you to your face how much I fucking HATE your club. I would have LOVED to attend just so I could sit there and throw thumb tacks at your head the entire time just to give you a physical demonstration of the kind of annoying environment you have brought into my life. While I DO have to give you some respect for actually making an effort to hear this neighborhood’s concerns regarding your establishment I have to be honest and say nothing short of MOVING or at the least enforcing a mandatory muzzling policy for all patrons exiting your establishment would help.
The reasons for my deep-seeded burning hatred for your club are many:
First, your clientele are obnoxiously loud– they are loud in a way that says “I don’t care about anyone but me.” In fact, I think it wouldn’t annoy me as much if they actually went around yelling “I don’t care about anyone but me!!!” But the don’t they ALL feel the need to scream is “WHOOOOOOOOOO!” when they leave your club every night at 2am. What is that!? That’s just unnecessary, that’s what it is. And when they aren’t screaming “WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” for no reason, then they’re yelling at each other from across the street about the valet, or getting into fights as they leave your club, or arguing about who parked the car where and who is going to get shotgun.
Speaking of parking… it’s been IMPOSSIBLE since you opened. Not everyone that lives in the neighborhood has a parking space so we’re forced to find one on the street. And even though it’s permit parking only in most areas I’ve seen the Potsie’s that go to your club parking on my street anyway. I’ve had to park literally miles away on Fridays and Saturdays, I’ve been BOTH almost hit and backed up into by the same person cruising around looking for parking. And I know they were going to your place because I was walking my dog at the time so I’m out long enough to watch them look for a spot, find one in a permit parking area, park there, and then walk right up to your ridiculous line!
Speaking of the line… When you first opened, this was before we realized it was a club for trendy douches, my fiance and I thought we’d take advantage of having a bar right across the street. We had already been to Lubitsch a few times so we thought we’d check your place. There was no line at that time, in fact, there had been no line that I had even seen so far yet, and when we got to the door some guy told us that if we didn’t have a reservation we couldn’t get in. Are you fucking kidding me!??? If you’re going to move into our neighborhood and disrupt the quiet “gays and Russians living in harmony” vibe we had going, fuck up parking, force us to deal with Hollywood-type assholes everywhere, and screams late at night, the LEAST you could fucking do is let us have a damn drink.
Needless to say that’s when we realized that “Winstons” was not a cool neighborhood bar, like Lubitsch- who still brings in some drunk idiots, but it can still be convenient at the same time. Your place brings nothing GOOD to the neighborhood and gives me the urge to find the biggest slingshot in the world, or maybe one of those guns that shoot t-shirts into the crowd at sporting events, load it with water balloons filled with dog poop and launch them at your front door.
So if and when that happens you’ll know who it was and you’ll know why it happened– because you SUCK, your club is lame and the people who go there are disrespectful and rude and I hope you get out of this neighborhood and go somewhere you belong like Sunset or Hollywood or San Vicente. I mean, I live right behind the Pleasure Chest and their clientele is more respectful than yours. And the times when there have been people being obnoxious in the parking lot or the street the employees have been awesome about taking care of it. So either be pro-active and tell your people to shut up when their outside and stay off of our streets or please kindly leave.