I went searching in The Funk archives for a post and stumbled upon an old draft (title included) containing a NSFW work conversation between Ariel and myself that I never published back in 2012. Maybe for obvious reasons? But I feel like it’s a good time to dust this one off and enjoy it…
Why now? Because, after almost a decade working for The Offbeat Empire (I started before it was a tongue-in-cheek Empire, just Offbeat Bride), I am finally leaving the loving arms of my boss and close friend Ariel Meadow Stallings.
The weird thing is, I don’t actually have any other job I’m switching to. It’s just that, after almost ten years, and only working part-time now, it felt like time to move on and see what else is out there for me.
It’s exciting, but mostly terrifying. I barely remember what life was like before The Empire. And the little I do remember, work-wise, was bleak. But then I remember that blogging wasn’t even a job when I was growing up. And I had no idea that my perfect career could even be a career when I graduated college. So who knows what will happen next, my next job may not even be A Thing yet.
Actually wait no, it’s mostly sad at this moment…
I’m wonderfully not leaving the Empire because of any negativity at all. In fact a large part of what was keeping me there was the fun social aspect. I’m sad that I’m not going to be involved with the hardcore community of Offbeat Empire readers, and that I’m going to miss out on ridiculous work conversations like this one that I never posted back in 2012:
Ariel: did you see I finished book 4 [of Game of Thrones]?
Ariel: so no spoilers, but tell me this: do we find out if Brienne is dead or alive?
Megan: i can easily not spoil that by saying, I haven’t even found out yet
Ariel: She’s the character I cared the most about in book 4, and JESUS cliff hanger!
Megan: yeah. i’m stressin’ about it. so i feel ya
Ariel: she can’t die, because she and Jamie have to hook up!!
Megan: i know!!!!!!!!!
Ariel: especially now that she’s missing half her cheek. ugly + defaced.
Megan: no cheek and no hand. perfect match.
Ariel: “let me rub my stump on your scar”
can we just say:
stumps = sexy,
because it’s like an ARM PENIS?
A HUGE PENIS-ARM?
it’s ok, you don’t have to respond.
I know you thought it.
[I had been distracted by making something to eat.]
Megan: no!!! no i absolutely have NOT thought that!
but NOW i am
Ariel: My work here is done.
TWO NIGHTMARES IN TWO DAYS.
[she was referring to this photo she made to mess with me and my fear of both placenta and children:
Ariel: MOST HORRIFICALLY AWESOME BOSS EVARRRRRRR
Megan: i’m gonna make you a trophy that says that
Ariel: thank you.
Can it also say “stump-fucker” on the bottom?
Megan: nope, that’s a separate trophy
Ariel: With a flying horse on top, I hope.
Ariel: Now for real: I go watch rupaul and leave you to the nightmares.
Megan: i’ll just be crying in the corner, here
Ariel: clutching your placenta-shirt wearing baby.
Megan: am i on webcam!?
That was working with Ariel in a nutshell: Fun, hilarious, unexpected, and boundary pushing in the best ways for me.
You know what, wait, I think these series of photos from when Ariel spoke at our wedding pretty much illustrates what it was like for me, for us…
I had asked Ariel to read something about friendship for us. And she nailed it. It was like she had plucked the words from right out of my soul and then sprinkled her enchanted Ariel dust over them to make them jump and sparkle and pulse with an emotional depth that I do not (yet?) possess.
But the emotional depth that I do have right now? A lot of that is because of Ariel — pushing and picking at my blunt edges and and coaxing out some of my best stuff, some of my best words, some of my deepest feels, a lot of my best work, and all of my best attributes. I can honestly say that I am a better writer, partner, and human because of my relationship with Ariel.
A-dog: You are the most horrifically awesome boss ever. Thank for giving me almost a decade of the most amazing job I’ve ever had, with the most awesome team of people I’ve ever known. You built something magical and I’m lucky to have been a part of it. And part of whatever this was too: