Tag: names

Thoughts I’ve had lately as a privileged WASP with a new Jewish last name

It’s a strange time to have just become a Horowitz. In fact, it didn’t take very long, nor did we have to go very far for me to realize that, by taking a Jewish last name, I had stepped outside of my privileged WASPy box…

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New chapter, new author: On changing your name after divorce and re-marriage

Worse than the people who didn’t ask, and just assumed that I had changed my name when I got married (that’s a choice, not an imperative)… worse than the people who addressed things to “Mr and Mrs His Name” (as if I didn’t have my own name anymore)… are the people who assumed that I would go back to my maiden name.

Changing something as big and as personal as my own name was something I decided to do for me

Not for my partner. Not in the name of tradition. Not for the patriarchy. It was a decision made with much thought and personal pride. And it hurt to find out that so many people did not… what’s the right word… believe(?) that Megan Finley is my “real” name. It was like they were telling me that they never felt my name change was a well-thought-out choice. As if my name — MY OWN FUCKING NAME — was just on loan to me via that guy I married.

I never FOR ONE MOMENT considered going back to my maiden name. Because if I had, for any reason, actually wanted to use my maiden name, I would have never changed it in the first place.

I’ve written about the fact that my birth name, Megan Tharpe, never felt like me. I’d even go so far as to say that feeling mis-named gave me some kind of insight, in the tiniest ittiest-bittiest, most privileged of ways, into how a transgender kid must feel — knowing that you were assigned to this identity at birth, and yet, never really feeling like it fit who you are.

“Megan Finley,” however, fit this bitch like a pair of Black Milk dragon scale leggings. The moment I became Megan Finley, I felt like I finally became my true self. Aaron and I even had this exchange: “You know, even if we divorce I’m keeping the name Finley.” To which he responded, “It is my gift to you.” And it truly truly was, and still is a wonderful gift.

Although, now that I am getting re-married, and starting a new family, I get to consider my name options again…

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Change your name, change your life

change your name

The other night, Aaron and I watched Dances with Wolves. (It was my first time seeing the film. SO SAD! ARG! They killed the wolf AND the horse. WTF!? But anyway, I digress…) In the movie, Kevin Costner’s character John Dunbar says,

“I had never really known who John Dunbar was. Perhaps because the name itself had no meaning. But as I heard my Sioux name being called over and over, I knew for the first time who I really was.”

And that quote sums up exactly how I feel about my name change. Megan Tharpe never really knew who she was, and “Megan Tharpe” never really felt like my name. It’s like I just knew it wasn’t me from the beginning. And then there was Megan Finley! That name just sounded like me. It sounds happy and spirited and it ends with a smile when you say it. And from the moment I took that name, I finally became who I was supposed to be. It’s like it enabled me to succeed. And it’s just a name! But it changed everything.

Ariel shared a Broke Ass Bride article recently entitled Your wedding can be a launch pad for your life and before I read the article itself, just the title really resonated with me. My wedding really was a launch pad for my life. Because of our wedding…

  • I signed that paper that changed my name to something that felt more “me.”
  • I discovered Offbeat Bride and all the awesome freaky, nerdy, weirdos that made me feel like I didn’t have to be a freaky, nerdy, weirdo all alone.
  • I applied for the Offbeat Bride internship that gave me my most favorite job.
  • I had to deal with the WORST wedding photographer which then inspired me to become a professional wedding photographer myself.

And all those things have changed my life so much! All of those things have changed Megan Tharpe into Megan Finley and created the the seedling that grew into my wonderful life now.

I’m not saying that marriage and a wedding is the key to happiness or anything. But what I’m saying is that I definitely believe that things come into your life to change it up and allow you to become what you need to become — like John Dunbar in Dances with Wolves. He would have never become the man he was destined to be if the Indians hadn’t adopted him, the same way that I wouldn’t be the woman I am becoming today if I hadn’t gotten married.

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