Romance in marriage

      10 Comments on Romance in marriage

FYI — this blog post teeters on the edge of too personal to post, but I’m putting it out there because I want to remember this and not just forget it in a journal that I’ll never read.

The other day I had a bit of break down. I was feeling really bummed about a lot of little things. At first I was thinking about marriage and Aaron and what it means to be with him for the rest of my life. Not that it’s horrible or anything. I love him and I’m glad that we’re married. But yesterday I had a thought… that I’ll have to be the ONLY ONE to hold this guy’s attention (in all sorts of ways if you get my drift) for the rest of his life. That I have to be all things to one human being forever and for always. It’s not an easy thought to deal with. How crazy a thought. Usually, I feel like people (myself included) worry about things like, “oh man, I hope he doesn’t cheat on me.” But I’ve never thought about something like, “oh man, I hope he doesn’t get bored of me.” And I got depressed over the thought of ‘what if it’s something I fail at?’

And then I was also thinking about the fact that I will never get to experience the thrill and romance of new love and that Aaron (and, in my experience, most guys in general) will never be as sweet and romantic as he was when we first met. Not that this is how I measure romanticism but, for example, he’s bought me flowers a total of three (maybe four?) times and that’s all. Though, yes, I told him that I’m not the biggest fan of flowers, so there’s that. But I told him to instead when he feels like getting me flower to get me plants! So that I can keep them forever and remember his sweet gestures. But the closest I’ve gotten to that was when I asked him to buy me that aloe plant in Ikea the other day. And he totally did, which was great. But it wasn’t something he’d ever even think about on his own, ya know?

Then I talked to my dad and he sounded so so sad. He’s not finding what he wants in his search for a retirement home and I got off the phone with him feeling even MORE sad.

So when Aaron come home from work yesterday I immediately let him know that I was having a depressed day and so he sat and watched movies with me all night. And then at the end of the night, while we were lying in bed, instead of being all lovey-dovey, I ended up crying in his arms. And Aaron was awesome with me. He talked me through all my emo bullshit and then he goofed off with me to make me laugh. And it’s like — Okay, he may not be the most romantic guy, but he REALLY has my back when I need him. And that is pretty damn romantic!

So, you know, interesting how the world works. It kind of made me look like an asshole. But it did show me something. He was so romantic by just being sweet to me last night. It didn’t take a grand gesture and it didn’t take buying me something, and it didn’t take any creativity — it just took the time he could have spent playing video games and ignoring his bummed out wife, and spending it instead talking to me about about my feelings and trying to make me laugh. Amazing.

I realize that even though I will never experience the thrill of a new relationship again, I have the thrill of a growing relationship. And as that relationship grows, so should my ideas of romance. It’s not always flowers and making out and playing Peter Gabriel songs on a boombox in the rain. Sometimes it’s crying followed by making jokes about naming your unborn children terrible things (like “Awesome” “Second Kid,” and “Joan” no matter if it’s a boy or a girl).

Thanks to the universe for giving my sad pants attitude the little kick in the ass that it needed. I am so blessed.

Just look at all that romance! photo by Jana Morgan

10 thoughts on “Romance in marriage

  1. Kacey

    Thanks for putting this out there. 🙂 I’m madly in love with my man, but I’ve wondered about the same kinds of things as well. Especially the “never feeling the thrill of New Love(tm) again” part. Because let’s be honest, that shit is addictive.

    But you’re right. My man has my back, just as Aaron has yours, and that’s worth any amount of stomach-rippling, nerve-racing, skin-fluttering New Love(tm) ever.

    So thanks.

    1. meganfinley

      You are more than welcome, thanks for commenting! It’s so awkward to put this stuff out there and wondering how/if people are judging it. I’m glad you got it though and I’m glad I’m not alone on that one.

  2. Danielle

    You are so not alone Megan! I totally understand this and I am even married yet! Sometimes I am tempted to feel sorry for myself because my man isn’t as romantic as I’d like, but then I remind myself that he is caring in his own way and he is deff there for me when I need him. Thanks for sharing this post. Also, that has got to be one of the most romantic photos I have ever seen!

    p.s. yay for Ikea! they have aloe plants there!? I have been wanting one!

    1. meganfinley

      Thanks Danielle! Yeah, Ikea has aloe plants and a lot more succulents. I’ve actually been getting my bamboo (twisty!) there for a while, but it seems that their plant section has grown by leaps and bounds with amazing pots to boot!

      My aloe plant

  3. loandbehold

    *tearing up* I actually feel this way sometimes too. It’s not weird or strange.. I think it’s natural. And you are TOTALLY right: just when it feels like you can’t have the romance or the overwhelming thoughtfulness of the wooing days.. it hits you right in the head. Marriage is way more interesting than fleeting romance. It’s about evolving, changing, loving, caring and for once in your life being able to be who you are with no limitations and no holding back. And your partner LOVING that about you.

    1. meganfinley

      I loooooove this response Shrie, thanks! I’m thinking of turning this into an obb post actually. And your response just gave me more to elaborate on and play with.

        1. meganfinley

          Well, I was also using it as a way to showcase those awesome photos of me and the hubs that my friend took as a way to py her back. BUT! I think a sister post from you as an adendum would be AWESOME! bc A and I were talking about how we need more posts about marriage like OBM does about families.

      1. Kacey

        As an OBB-addict (ahem)…I mean “reader”, may I just say “YES PLEASE!” And if you guys do that, I promise to comment about how I’ve dealt with those exact feelings during my engagement. It can be pretty disconcerting to be insanely in love with your intended, yet a little sad about the idea that you’re never going to feel that New Love(tm) (I love my little trademark in-joke, sorry about that!) zizzle again. It’s not “second thoughts” or “mourning your life as a single gal” like they talk about in books like “The Conscious Bride”…it’s just adjusting to the idea that the addictive New Love(tm) isn’t lurking temptingly behind some unspecified corner up ahead.

        It probably also doesn’t help that I’m doing the long-distance-on-steriods thing right now, either. Thank God I come home in 9 days!

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