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This is not my beautiful house: The bittersweet reality of living with someone who owns a house



“And you may find yourself living in a shotgun shack
And you may find yourself in another part of the world
And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile
And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife
And you may ask yourself-Well…How did I get here?”

Me on move-in day, bossing the movers around. ;)

No seriously, HOW DID I GET HERE?

It’s like a woke up one day last week and didn’t even recognize my own life. Things I used to always have, gone. The routines I used to do every single day, gone. Even major self-identifiers, gone.

Where are all my things? Where is my furniture? Where’s my DVR full of my favorite TV shows? Where is that god damn mason jar I use to make dressing? (I can’t find that thing, it’s driving me nuts.) Who am I if I’m not self-described bad-ass, independent bitch, who lives on her own, and doesn’t depend on anyone but herself? Who am I if I’m not the girl who lives behind a porn shop in the quirky apartment that she decorated all herself?

Don’t get me wrong — I’m definitely beyond excited and happy to be living with with my partner. But, I find that I’m struggling with living with someone who owns a house for a lot of reasons…

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Vanilla French toast waffles: For people who hate french toast and cinnamon

french toast waffles

My love for waffles is directly proportionate to my hatred of French toast. Since the very first bite I ever had of French toast in childhood — made by my friend’s dad WHO WAS FUCKING FRENCH — I’ve thought it was gross. And it doesn’t make sense, because French toast is just about everything I love — bread, eggs, sugar, syrup! WTF.

My theory: What if it’s the cinnamon that I don’t like? I hate cinnamon. Then Mike had a theory: What if it was waffled? I love waffles.

So we made vanilla French Toast Waffles without cinnamon. Here’s what happened:

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Robot cat-sitters: The products that keep my cat alive while I’m away

I wonder when they're coming back...

I wonder when they’re coming back…

I’m taking off this weekend to go on a quick overnight trip to Sebastopol. It’ll be the first time that I’m leaving Diego (aka. The Woogs) alone in Mike’s our house. It’s too short of a trip to consider a cat-sitter, so instead I’m breaking out my robot pet-sitters.

Here are the products I use to keep my cat alive while I’m away…

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11 of my favorite geeky food makers, molders, and servers

If you know anything about me, you know that I love geeky food ideas. So I’ve rounded up some of my geeky food wares and appliances today. (Not surprisingly, these are either things I actually own, or want to own, or have gifted to people and regret that decision now…)

1. Pi Pie Pan

Pi Pie Pan - geeky food ideas

Obviously we have to start with the best damn thing to make pie in… the PI PAN! See more examples of what you can make today in my other post over on Offbeat Home.

2. Death Star Waffle Maker

Now you can destroy the Death Star every morning with the Death Star Waffle Maker! (I’m kind of completely obsessed with this thing.)

3. Dragon Cake Pan

Dragon Cake Pan - geeky food ideas

Or you could slay dragons with your mouth in the most delicious way… with the freaking dragon cake pan!

4. Dragon Egg Canister

Game of Thrones Dragon Egg Canister

Speaking of dragons… Think Geek has created the my favorite cookie jar, the Game of Thrones Dragon Egg Canister modeled after Rheagal’s egg!

5. The Chemist’s Spice Rack

Chemist's Spice Rack - geeky food ideas

No matter what you’re making, all your meals will benefit from geekery with the Chemist’s Spice Rack.

6. Sunny Egg Mold

sunny egg mold

Make literal sunny side up eggs, with the sun and cloud egg mold!

7. The Nessie Ladle

nessie ladle

The Nessie Ladle is just about the cutest and scariest ladle to ever roam the depths of your soup pan.

8. The Pastasaurus

pastasaurus

Or serve up a scare with the Pastasaurus pasta server! Grrrr Arrrrg Yummmm.

9. Star Trek USS Enterprise Sushi Set

star trek sushi set

What does Star Trek have to do with sushi? Absolutely nothing, except for the fact that there exists a USS Enterprise sushi set, and it’s seriously the perfect way to each sushi.

10. Lego Cake Mold

1cd8_building_brick_cupcake_pan_inuse
The building blocks of any good meal?… Actual building blocks. Or, at least tiny cake molds of actual building blocks. How cool would this be for desserts at a Lego-themed birthday party?

11. The Keyboard Waffle Iron

Photo courtesy of TheKeyboardWaffleIron.com

Photo courtesy of TheKeyboardWaffleIron.com

What do you get the girl who already has the Death Star Waffle Iron? Hi, I would also like the Keyboard Waffle Iron too, please, thank you.


Okay, what are YOUR favorite ways to make geeky food?

Rey cosplay and Death Star waffles

I’ve been getting back to my geeky roots lately, and it involves two of my favorite things: Cosplay and waffles. Wanna see what I’ve been geeking out on? First, and most importantly…

Cosplay

A few months ago, Mike’s mother, Valerie, asked me if I’d be interested in her making a Rey costume for me. She had just seen the Star Wars trailer, noticed that Rey’s costume didn’t seem too hard to make, plus there was slight resemblance, so… Would I be interested in “something like that”?

My reaction was something like this…

Over the next few months Valerie started gathering up clothing, fabrics, and old purses to strip down to their leather-y bits. Every now and then she’d text me pics of what she’d found. And every time I got a text from her, I was all…

Then, apparently, she took it to the next level by dying the fabrics and clothing she had found, and even enlisting her amazing husband to help. Here they are making the staff from items purchased at Home Depot…

8c307c5a-0c30-4c58-b034-1ec4ed244a53

Then, last week, Val appeared with a car-full of fabric and crafting supplies, and we got to work. Of course, by “we” I mean, I sat working for the Empire, while Val worked at her sewing machine, every now and then going back and forth taking my measurements and then scurrying back to the sewing machine. Until she somehow created this masterpiece…

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Our Spanish-style bathroom remodel is finally done!

Before and after.

Before and after.

The first time he walked into the finished bathroom, Mike exclaimed, “look at this bathroom for adults!” My response, and my thoughts every time I’m in it, was, “this feels like a bathroom our parents should be using.” It feels so grown-up and fancy. I can’t believe it’s ours!

My only issue is… since we made the choice to go with oil-rubbed bronze hardware (how amazing does it look in there!?) I found out that it’s not that easy to change out shower hardware. It’s actually such a process that we chose not to do it. So the shower hardware remains silver, while everything else is that gorgeous bronze.

Other than the mis-matched hardware, and the fact that two of the side mirrors for the medicine cabinets arrived broken, I’m head-over-heals in the love with this bathroom remodel…

How to get this Spanish-style bathroom look:

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Officially living in Mike’s house

I’ve been way too busy to write anything except for work and Yelp reviews for movers and contractors. But I’ve had a couple moments in these first few days of the move to write down a couple quick mental status updates. Here they are…

Hi. We live together now. In this house. Together. This is my home. This is my life. #pinchmeimdreaming

Hi. We live together now. In this house. Together. This is my home. This is my life. #pinchmeimdreaming

Day 1 of officially living in Mike’s house: I still don’t think the reality has quiiiiite set in yet. Even though, this morning I was officially waking up “at home,” my first thought was “okay, what do I need? Do I need to walk back home at any point today? Or can I stay here?” Old habits…

I still can’t believe that I have no other place to worry about, or consider. My brain and life is no longer split into two. My cat, my man, myself and all my belongings are all in the same place. It feels amazing.

Empty apartment living room and dining room.

Empty apartment living room and dining room.

Day 2 of officially living in Mike’s house: I still had to go back to the apartment to take my eat a “goodbye” breakfast with my parents, and then take them to the airport, and then cancel my cable, and then my internet, and then grab the few living plants that remain on my balcony.

And then that was it. I left.

And I don’t think I have any reason to go back (except for when my parents come back from Maui).

IMG_2655

Day 3 of officially living in Mike’s house: This was the first morning where I didn’t wake up and think “okay, what do I need? Do I need to go back to my place at any point?” I guess Mike’s place already feels like my home base. I didn’t expect that to happen so fast.

Although, as you can see, it still hasn’t switched from “Mike’s house” in my brain to “my house.” But the more I unpack boxes and create my own spaces, the more I’ll go from Mike to mine…

IMG_2657

All day I dream about sheers: The sheer window treatments that bring me sheer joy

It’s embarrassing to admit this, but so much of my brain power has been devoted to sheer window treatments this week. I eat sleep and breath sheer window treatment ideas — okay, not actually so much sleeping since the thought of sheer window treatments are keeping me awake. No seriously, I lie in bed thinking about sheer fucking window treatments.

Mike’s living room is dark. Although it has three big windows, they only get light for a couple hours in the morning. So by noon, I find myself wanting to turn on the overhead lights sometimes, which is a total waste of energy. The poor lighting situation wasn’t aided by the dark blue curtains and heavy linen sheers that his previous designer hung. It felt like a cave.

The solution was obviously going to be switching out those heavy curtains for sheers. And OH WHAT A DIFFERENCE A SHEER MAKES:

Ignore the fact that there's only ONE panel on the big window... the second one is on it's way.

Ignore the fact that there’s only ONE panel on the big window… the second one is on it’s way.

The Bed Bath & Beyond at the Beverly Center is going out business (say THAT three times fast) and they’re having a massive sale. My mother (who wonderfully flew into town to help me with the move-in remodel) braved the madness, and somehow managed to find exactly the right number of the perfect neutral-colored sheers in all the right lengths.

I love this little corner of the house so much.

I love this little corner of the house so much.

Before my mom found the perfect sheers, I purchased this macrame wall hanging from Urban Outfitters…

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Move-in remodel round 1: In which we were defeated by shipping and hoses

The dust has settled on the move-in renovation, and shall be swept away soon… until round two. Yes, the break in the reno is only temporary because, although the back of the house has been torn up and put back together, it can’t be totally finished right now.

Wherever you are, vanity, I hope someone's taking care of you and lovingly using you to wash their body parts.

Wherever you are, vanity, I hope someone’s taking care of you and lovingly using you to wash their body parts.

Did you know that it’s possible for a shipping company to completely lose a double sink vanity. A big one. Or, as the Home Depot gal put it, when Mike explained the situation: “How’d they lose something that’s big!? That’s 300 pounds!… Some people would kill to be able to lose 300 pounds that easily.”

Did you also know that, when you order your closet doors from Home Depot, you should probably specify where you want them delivered. And if you don’t, they will be delivered to the Home Depot from whence they were ordered. And when you don’t have a truck to transport them because you’re both writers who live in LA and why-in-the-hell would we drive trucks, that you’ll be sans closet doors for a while?

And did you know that custom closets can take up to a month to be installed once their ordered?

Did you ever think about the fact that you’d have to order special extra long washer and dryer hoses, if your washer and dryer need to be installed in an extra deep closet?

Did you also know that changing the hardware in a shower is not as easy as exchanging a face plate and screwing on a new spout?

We know all these things NOW. We did not know them last week.

So right now there’s just a giant empty space one one side of our room, where our clothes should be…

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Let there be walls and a whole lot of dust: An update on the move-in remodel

Things are trucking along at an alarmingly fast rate over in Move-in Renovation Land!

laundry room before and after

In the last, what?, week our contractor has torn down the bedroom closet and ripped out the back of the laundry closet. Then re-built a new bedroom closet and pushed back the laundry closet wall 7 inches, in order to accommodate a regular size washer and dryer.

Soon that empty laundry closet (that I think looks like a TARDIS when the blue door is shut) will be filled with these babies…

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