We also spied whales going nuts as close to the shore as we’ve seen them yet. When she spotted them, my mom cried “I see a shark close to shore!” (She said shark, when she meant whale.) Our waitress was approaching as she said this and absolutely panicked! She got so frightened that she knocked over a glass of water into my dad’s lap. Poor thing. We explained that my mother meant whale when she said shark, we were sorry for frightening her. Of course we found out that she became jumpy because she had also been working at the Four Seasons when Aaron’s shark attack occurred. Poor thing. We totally unintentionally frightened her… TWICE now.

After a fantastic lunch, I decided to go to the beach anyway, even if it was a little too windy for a perfect beach day. And it was awesome. I drove the couple blocks to Charley Young beach and snagged the most perfect spot — on a little inlet separated from the main stretch of beach by large rocks, under a tree for shade, and angled myself for an amazing view of South Maui.

The view from my towel.

The sky and tree above.

The view behind me, almost as good as the view in front.

Me, finally relaxing on the beach.

I hung out in the spot for several hours, until it the sun started to set. Then I headed over to the park just down the street from my parent’s house, where I texted my mom to whip up her patented Lala Lemonades and meet me to watch the sun go down. While I waited for my parents to ride, I read Game of Thrones on my Kindle, nestled in my own makeshift throne of perfectly formed rocks — seat and backrest.

I sipped my blueberry vodka-spiked lemonade, watched people play with their dogs, watched a family of whales splash around on the horizon, and enjoyed the slowest sun set I’ve ever witnessed in my life. No pics of that because my phone died, and you know what, I didn’t care.

And the food was great too.

THen we thought, since we made the trek out there, we might as well just tourist it up and walk around Front Street.

My dad picked that hat out for me. Cute, huh?

And on the way home, we had to pull over because we spotted whales making big splashes in the distance. So we pulled over. I snapped this photo…

That black dot in the distance is a whale. I also grabbed this video where you can BARELY make out a big whale and a baby whale taking turns making splashes…

Today, it’s blustery and cold. But it’s still early. I’m hoping the weather gets hotter so we can hit the beach. I’m DYING to spend time on the sand. Now I must go walk off my non-beach day blues.

The only highlight was that I took a long walk in the morning with my mother. It was incredibly windy, so the kite boarders were loving it, but it was a pain in the ass for us bipedal people. I could barely hear a word my mom was saying as we were walking side by side. But even though the wind was kicking up white caps like mad, we also spotted a whole bunch of frolicking whales way off in the distance. My first whale sighting in a year. It was wonderful.

We also came across an open house being run by a friend of ours, Gail, the realtor that hooked us up with our home in Maui. That was also really nice.

The walk, however left me feeling beyond exhausted and, since it started POURING rain I just spent the day napping, or surfing the web.

Which brings me to the worst part about this vacation…

Every. fucking. time. I try to relax and read emails, or comments on my blog, or click through my beloved RSS feeds, or even WRITE a blog, or write 750 words, or even glance at my phone, I get at LEAST one person bitching at me for what they perceive as working.

“Are you working?” “No.” “Mmmm hmm. I don’t believe you.” “I’m just [enter something here.]” “Well, you look like you’re working/it says you’re working on your IM status (that I haven’t thought about in over a year)/been online for a while.” “I’m not.” “Well, you better not be working.” Or people telling at me to do other things that, if they were at all possible to do at the moment, I WOULD BE DOING.

In the last two days I’ve been scolded by seven different people, and mostly SEVERAL TIMES by the same people. It was mildly annoying at first, but now it’s starting to anger me. ESPECIALLY since the whole “not working” stipulation to this trip was not even my idea. I feel like I was forced into not working and, so far, it’s turned out to be just as stressful as if I still had deadlines to worry about. Only now it’s promises to keep, and appearances to keep up, and actions to constantly defend.

And I know everyone who has lovingly bitched me out, indeed, has the best of intentions, I know you all are just looking out for me. But OMG it’s stressing me out. I hate having to defend my actions every time I open up my laptop. Just because I’m on the internet does NOT mean I’m working. Yes, I work on the internet, but I also do OTHER things on the internet, I also find it relaxing to just surf the internet, just like normal folk.

But unlike most normal folk, I actually LOVE my job. The act of turning a blank page into something entertaining and/or inspirational is a wonderful feeling. I would LOVE to be getting my mind off of things by writing new posts, but I made a promise to Aaron that I wouldn’t, so I can’t. And that sucks, because I could really use a distraction when my mind starts racing with all the thoughts that eventually ramp up to an anxiety attack.

Anyway, this is all to say. I love you all, but if you see me online PLEASE stop asking me if I’m working. Ask me ANYTHING else, because if I’m online it means there’s shit-else to do, so a chat would be nice. But the constantly checking in to make sure I’m relaxing is seriously stressing me out.

Now, to give a little bonus to those of you who actually read this entire tantrum, here’s a video that Stephanie (Offbeat Mama) shared with me that really cheered me up:

Woke up at 6:30 and started my usual pre-flight anxiety attack from leaving the house through arriving at my gate. Thankfully the security gods were with me yesterday and it was a breeze — no long and winding line, no bag re-check and no backscatter machine. Phew.

I also got a middle seat for my 5 and a half hour flight. Harrumph. But no worries — in true “flight to Maui style” I ended up making friends with the local guy I sat next to AND comforting the neighbor to my left, assuring him that the next 5+ hour flight, after his long trek from Norway to Los Angeles, would completely be worth the wait. He seemed to look relieved. In fact, by the middle of the flight, I was using the head phone jack in Norway’s seat, while Local Guy and I shared my headphones to watch the movie.

Obviously, things started to get better. My flight was a little late, so my parents were waiting for me at the bottom of the escalator with a fresh lei in hand. As I exited the airport and felt my first blast of fragrant island breeze I broke down in tears. I was happy, I was relieved, I was overwhelmed, I was in shock, I was home.

Sunshine in Pa'ia, me rockin' a lei.

My parents know how to welcome me back to Maui, they wasted no time in getting me to Flatbread Pizza Co. We chowed down on organic, all local-grown salads and pizza. And I downed two local beers, finally feeling “on vacation.”

We then took a drive down the coast. The wind was up and the waves were intense — kite boarders, and surfers were out in force, most of them just struggling to keep up with the force and the speed of the waves. But on land, we were flirting with danger just as much as the surfers.

My mother pulled off the road into a turn out, with the intention of watching the waves. She tried to pull down a dirt driveway when all of a sudden one wheels of our massive white truck went up a slight incline while the other one fell into a hidden ditch. The truck lurched to the left and we started to tip over. For a moment we felt that we were going to keep tipping and go over the cliffside on our left. But miraculously, the truck stopped mid-tip and just hung there — the front left tire in a ditch, the back right tire completely off the ground. We all slowwwwwly started to get out of the truck. I feared the moment I left the cab, that it would immediately tumble down the hill. As if the sheer weight of my body was the ONLY thing keeping that truck in place (delusions of grandeur, much?). So I jumped down from the 40 degree inclined truck, holding my breath and feeling my heart was going to explode. (NOT good for the ‘ol anxiety.)

There were talks of calling the auto club, talks of how did this happen, lots of cursing and, to make matters worse, a guy holding a large professional video camera, filming the entire frightening ordeal. Finally my father, having wrapped his head around the situation at hand, jumped in the driver’s seat and, while a local guy yelled “you’re gonna tip over the cliff if you do that!” he engaged the 4WD, threw it in reverse and somehow PERFECTLY backed that sucker up, unharmed and unscathed.

When I complimented him later on being such a bad ass he said, “Hey I just washed that truck. It was NOT going down.”

Our near death experience behind us, we cut our sight-seeing drive short and headed for home. Where the ONLY thing that would erase the taste of nearly dying, in front of a group of people, on my first day of vacation happened…

Here's the photo I sent to Aaron so he could see how happy they made me. The woven basket of daisies is sitting next to our wedding photo.

Aaron sent me flowers! “The note read: SMILE you’re on vacation! -Bear, Jack, Peezu, el Woogs.” (Yes, he had the flower people write “el Woogs” — I love that man.)

The rest of the evening I relaxed and, guess what, didn’t even open my laptop ONCE! But I will say this, as much as not working is not easy for me, it was nice to be able to process everything that happened yesterday without the added pressure of HAVING to work. But don’t think that I don’t feel weird about that.

Anyway, I’m gonna step away from my beloved laptop, once again so that I can go on a nice morning walk with my mom. Wish me luck that I more than just barely survive today.

The other night I had a complete panic attack — you know, not being able to breathe, feeling like a heart attack is eminent, clutching onto that poor guy I married and not being able to let go. And the only way I calmed down was when I took an anti-anxiety pill that was prescribed to me by my dentist in ’06. (Found it in amongst the dog’s meds after a mad search!) Oh so dramatic, I know.

The thing is, they’re not going away. And they come on with no warning. Due to the similarities between them and an asthma attack, I keep hitting my inhaler because the placebo affect works, so that means I have quadruple the amount of steroids coursing through my body, which means my heart rate is increased, which means that that it’s stressing me out more than usual. And all this is stressing Aaron out as well.

Aaron suggested that I take a break — a vacation to relax. So, this Sunday I’m heading over to my favorite island in the world and I’ve been ordered by both Aaron and Ariel to — get this — NOT WORK next week.

Not work!?

This is going to be hard. The only time I haven’t worked at all was in 2009 when I went on the houseboat trip that had NO WIFI access. The only time since ’09 that I took a bit of a break was when I was on a camping trip with my boss — who had to yell at me and then demand I separate myself from my beloved iPhone so that I wouldn’t sneak check emails.

Let’s all be honest here, I’m going to Maui and it’ll just be my parents and me in a location that I’ve been to so often that it’s like a second home, so I’ll probably have a LOT of down time where I will still work on things here and there. BUT Aaron has asked me not to work, so I will try my best not to.

Things I WILL try to do while on Maui:

* RELAX
* Stay off my laptop as much as possible.
* Read
* Go to the beach and just close my eyes
* Swim
* Work on improving myself
* Work on relaxing so that when I come back home I won’t be such a basket case.
* TRY not to obsess over the things that are getting me down.
* Have a few island-y cocktails
* Go for long walks
* Just freaking breathe — asthma free bonus!

Does anyone else have any advice for me on how to manage these panic attacks?

So now I’m post it here for easy finding, for posterities sake, and so that we can all have a good laugh.

Ladies and gentlebergs, I give you Young Megan:

Looking at photo albums that my mom made and then gave to me. Can't believe my parents let me go to school looking like this.

So, I got the absolute bestest birthday present of my lifetime from that wonderful guy I married. He contacted a bunch of my closest friends, family, and co-workers and asked them to participate in a special Nerdy 30 birthday video:

Highlights:
* The Star Wars scrolling intro.
* Special art work by Bill Nye the Science Guy.
* Oliver’s video that made me cry.
* Daren sending in his video from an Airborne Toxic Event tour.
* Stephanie and her friend drinking at the airport and singing me happy birthday.
* Erik being… Erik.
* Ariel and Tavi’s catchy tune (also Ariel’s boobz!).
* Aaron’s laptop theme.
* All the scenes from Olvera Street where Aaron spent a day collecting awesome trinkets for my other special birthday present.

Thank you thank you THANK YOU to everyone who participated in this movie. I’ve watched it a countless number of times now and I’m always BLOWN AWAY by the amazing people that I am lucky enough to be friends with. Wow. I’m one freaking lucky 30-year-old. I LOVE YOU ALL!

I got to wake up and have breakfast with my mom AND that guy I married. This may sound lame, but I never get to spend much time with either of those people. So it felt really great to be hanging out over cups of coffee and pieces of toast.

Peezu and Jack tired after a day of playing.

Gen getting some last minute work done on what makes her tick.

Dad drove her back to my grandma’s and while on the way back, on her first time back on her feet, I watched as a guy riding a really super vintage motorcycle pulled up next to my dad, took a long look over his shoulder at Gen and gave dad the raised “right on” fist. It was an adorable moment that got me really excited about how fun Gen’ll be to drive.

Ah, driving! Ready for the best of the best of my day?

My dad totally taught me how to drive stick!!! Up until yesterday, every attempt I had made to drive stick with Aaron in his Camry has ended with me in shaking and crying from a full-blown panic attack. But there was something different about driving Gen! I had heard from many different sources that VWs are very easy cars on which to learn, and those many different sources were right! I actually had fun driving. But to be fair, I know that my success in learning stick came from how insanely forgiving the car is though. Gen let me get away with SO many things that I shouldn’t have been able to do. But who cares! I did it! I fucking did it! And I’m proud.

And what better way to end such a magical day then with a show by my favorite band: Aaron’s Little Richard cover band Big Dick. Yup, I got to dance with Coco to the amazing tunes of Little Richard and more in the backyard of a fancy Silverlake home overlooking the glittering lights of the city.

Other highlights of the day:

• Got In & Out for the second time this week.
• Aaron spotted Angelyne and sent me a video.
• Took a nice walk with Jackson.
• Grabbed a midnight snack with Coco.
• Falling asleep under clean flannel sheets. Yes, that’s a highlight.

And I also want to take a moment wish my parents a HAPPY 35th WEDDING ANNIVERSARY today! I love you both so very much and I’m super glad y’all have stuck together for this long. I know that marriage is not always easy, but thank you for giving both me and Aaron something to look up to — your strength, both independently and as a couple, and belief in love and family is inspiring.

When I inherited her I decided to name her “Gen” after my grandmother. I did so because when it breaks down I can yell “damn it Gen!” just like my grandfather yelled at my grandmother. It kind of became his catch-phrase. (My cousin likes to tell the story of how it took him a while to realize that my grandmother’s name was actually just Gen and not “Damnitgen.”)

Exactly two months ago my father and I had her towed to a body shop that specializes in Volkswagons. Good ‘ol VW Joe has been fixing her up and getting her running again. We went to pick her up yesterday, but my dad drove her around and said he wasn’t happy with a noise coming from the engine, and Joe said he’d keep at her. So I’m still VW-less.

I’m both excited to inherit this car as much as I’m frightened because, well, Aaron and I don’t need a fourth car to take care of (we already look after his car, my car, and the car that my parents leave at the apartment). AND it’s a stick… and I don’t drive stick… in fact I’m TERRIFIED of driving stick.

Sitting at the body shopping signing my name to a check of over a thousand dollars I started to think “mayyyybe this isn’t such a good idea.” Perhaps, once again, my sentimentality was outweighing my logical mind. But then my dad started up the car and when the sound, the smell, and the sight of this little green bug combined, I swear it was like seeing my grandfather again.

It was right then that I realized, there was never was any other choice. This car was and is going to be mine. No matter what, I’m not letting the story of this car die with my grandfather.

• papua new guinea tsunami receding water
• my personal+blog+wordpress+kidnapping (wait, WHY plus kidnapping!?)
• are you finished with those arons
• thong shows
• arson campaign map (I don’t think that arson needs campaigning)
• cat bite wound gone numb (you should get that checked out)
• photos of weird chicken eggs
• chris o’dowd school (I want to go to there)
• bony sandler (is that Adam’s brother?)
• good morning sad roses photo (just added “Good Morning Sad Roses” to my list of band name ideas)
• i wanna be the ugliest (and it brought you here!? Aw, sad roses )
• dogs on crack
• man in thong with guns (what is with people and thongs? I have no thongs here people, move on)