Stop everything: You can buy a 1lb bag of JUST cherry Starbursts

Holy shit balls! I just found out that Amazon sells one pound bags of JUST the best kind of Starbursts — the cherry kind.

$15 for an entire bag of my favorite flavor? My mouth is salivating, and my teeth are aching at the thought.

It’s not just cherry though, they have all the kinds of Starbursts available by the pound. I’m not sure why the Strawberry is more expensive than the cherry. Clearly, cherry is the best. Also, not surprisingly, the lemon is the cheapest. Ew. What the hell is someone gonna do with just the lemons? Torture someone? Probably torture someone.

Okay, go back to whatever you were doing, I’ll just stare at this Amazon page and have an internal struggle with myself.

In which I’m surprised by a pretty rose and a creepy beet

Had this GORGEOUS red rose waiting for me when I got home. That guy I married grew it himself!
Remember when I talked about the community garden plot that I turned down? Well, Aaron went ahead with the idea and is apparently the only person growing roses. His first rose bloomed this week and he brought it home to me as a gift. Awwww, right? And was gorgeous!

I say “was” because this morning I woke up to it lying on my seat on the couch, reduced to the size of a bud with shards of petals scattered about the living room floor. Cats, ammaright?

But that’s not the only surprise I got this morning… Read More

MY “what is this — I don’t even…” of the day

Really Lonely Planet? You couldn’t find a better picture to represent Tahiti than this one? Really? The COVER — you put this on the COVER? You need to fire your “cover picture picker-outer.” I bet he or she is the kind of person that tags you in the most hideous photos of yourself on Facebook. Seriously, fire them. Tahiti has GOT to better than this photo would have you believe, which, from the look on that girl on the right’s face, seems like it would just an “okay” place to visit — you know, not bad not great.

Seriously, wtf?

“Show It” technology

As you may or may not know, I have an Amazon affiliate account, which means, if someone purchases something on through my affiliate links I not only get a tiny percentage of the price but I also get to see what they have purchased. Now, I can’t see WHO purchased WHAT, but that doesn’t matter, I delight in the truly random crap that shows up every now and then. Wanna see some of my favorite things?…

This is my recent favorite: Andrew Christian mens super mesh thong with show it technology. “With show it technology!!!” That delights me to no-end. Whoever bought this just won my heart.

Keep reading for more things with less crotch in them…
Read More

Boston terrier floral arrangement

The Best Week Ever blog posted these photos of floral arrangements shaped like dogs. And it reminded me that I never blogged about the most amazing floral arrangement I’ve ever seen! These dogs are cute and all, but our housekeeper of 15+ years did it first:

And this is Ayla, the dog she modeled her arrangement after:

ayla on the bench

Elsa completely surprised us all. We had no idea she could do that! Even better, the reason she made that floral arrangement was because she was so happy that she was officially adopting Ayla from us. Ayla had always lived in our family home, but about a year into owning her it became clear that she was really Elsa’s dog.

My favorite text conversation EVAR!

I was so excited because I had thought I beat him with my last text… and then the next day he slammed me with a final message when I was least expecting it. The bastard. He called me the next day and asked me how to take screen shots of his iPhone because he wanted to save this. I did him one better and blogged it bitch! So technically I win. (Dont’ tell Erik.)

Every thing’s better with Lifefinder

From the man that brought you “No, he doesn’t wear The Precious” I give you one of Aaron’s pointless-yet-funny fake ad placements…

So many things to do, how will you keep track? … Use Lifefinder!

Lifefinder’s patented usage of contraband Russian technology will make you smart. People will laugh harder when you tell a joke when you use Lifefinder. There is even a new app to manage your new Lifefinder life on your mobile device.

Does your tiny robot have a cord coming out of it? If you answered “no” then it is probably a mobile device and you should probably get the mobile device app by Lifefinder.

Does your neck hurt? Lifefinder didn’t do that to you — Lifefinder only makes shit easier, bitch. Can’t find the keys to your spouses car? Lifefinder has already searched the Internet to find them!

Do you sometimes feel an overwhelming urge to type and show strangers your vacation pictures? Are you currently, or were you recently, drunk and possibly in college? So is Lifefinder! … Drunk on the power to make your life better.

Lifefinder wants you to be your own best friend. Lifefinder will then move in and become your new bff making you irrelevant and tired of yourself. Have you ever wondered why you aren’t as cool as Lifefinder? Maybe Stacy would rather hang out with Lifefinder than with you. You should have invited Lifefinder to your mom’s birthday party.

You really underestimated Lifefinder, didn’t you.

Now you are all drunk again and drunk-texting Lifefinder repeatedly, and Lifefinder is totally just not replying, and you know Lifefinder is just making fun of you and reading your texts outloud to it’s friends.

Lifefinder … Now with unauthorized access to your webcam!

Using your laptop? Lifefinder knows. It is posting your porn searches on Facebook. Lifefinder can help you finish your report this weekend, but it isn’t going to. Did you want a little coffee this morning to help shake off that hangover? Well to damn bad. Lifefinder drank it all while going through your underwear drawer. It took video off it, and now everyone knows about those panties you only wear when it’s the first day of your period.

Lifefinder …. Because you may be on the same cycle.

You know Lifefinder is hoping you won’t notice the extra eBay purchases it made last month. Need to get to the airport? Lifefinder can give you a ride, with a smile. Need a ride home from the airport, too? Lifefinder will be laughing with it’s friends and eating YumYum donuts when your flight arrives.

When you text Lifefinder it may respond, but it will probably end with the response with “lol.” And the lol will be ON YOU!

Lifefinder doesn’t even have to try… Want directions to your job interview? Lifefinder already printed them for you and made you a peanut butter and jelly sack lunch for after. Of course, Lifefinder spilled a beer and bottle of Elmer’s non-toxic glue on the directions, making them illegible, and got hungry and at your sandwich.

Does your thumb hurt from too much texting? So does Lifefinders thumb. Quit whining. Did you lose your cell phone charger? Borrow lifefinders! Like you always do.

You will never be as smart as Lifefinder, even if Lifefinder pulls some strings and gets you in to it’s alma mater… which was Oxford, by the way.

Lifefinder … Because it’s just better.