Day two of pseudo-forced vacation was a total bust due to weather.
The only highlight was that I took a long walk in the morning with my mother. It was incredibly windy, so the kite boarders were loving it, but it was a pain in the ass for us bipedal people. I could barely hear a word my mom was saying as we were walking side by side. But even though the wind was kicking up white caps like mad, we also spotted a whole bunch of frolicking whales way off in the distance. My first whale sighting in a year. It was wonderful.
We also came across an open house being run by a friend of ours, Gail, the realtor that hooked us up with our home in Maui. That was also really nice.
The walk, however left me feeling beyond exhausted and, since it started POURING rain I just spent the day napping, or surfing the web.
Which brings me to the worst part about this vacation…
Every. fucking. time. I try to relax and read emails, or comments on my blog, or click through my beloved RSS feeds, or even WRITE a blog, or write 750 words, or even glance at my phone, I get at LEAST one person bitching at me for what they perceive as working.
“Are you working?” “No.” “Mmmm hmm. I don’t believe you.” “I’m just [enter something here.]” “Well, you look like you’re working/it says you’re working on your IM status (that I haven’t thought about in over a year)/been online for a while.” “I’m not.” “Well, you better not be working.” Or people telling at me to do other things that, if they were at all possible to do at the moment, I WOULD BE DOING.
In the last two days I’ve been scolded by seven different people, and mostly SEVERAL TIMES by the same people. It was mildly annoying at first, but now it’s starting to anger me. ESPECIALLY since the whole “not working” stipulation to this trip was not even my idea. I feel like I was forced into not working and, so far, it’s turned out to be just as stressful as if I still had deadlines to worry about. Only now it’s promises to keep, and appearances to keep up, and actions to constantly defend.
And I know everyone who has lovingly bitched me out, indeed, has the best of intentions, I know you all are just looking out for me. But OMG it’s stressing me out. I hate having to defend my actions every time I open up my laptop. Just because I’m on the internet does NOT mean I’m working. Yes, I work on the internet, but I also do OTHER things on the internet, I also find it relaxing to just surf the internet, just like normal folk.
But unlike most normal folk, I actually LOVE my job. The act of turning a blank page into something entertaining and/or inspirational is a wonderful feeling. I would LOVE to be getting my mind off of things by writing new posts, but I made a promise to Aaron that I wouldn’t, so I can’t. And that sucks, because I could really use a distraction when my mind starts racing with all the thoughts that eventually ramp up to an anxiety attack.
Anyway, this is all to say. I love you all, but if you see me online PLEASE stop asking me if I’m working. Ask me ANYTHING else, because if I’m online it means there’s shit-else to do, so a chat would be nice. But the constantly checking in to make sure I’m relaxing is seriously stressing me out.
Now, to give a little bonus to those of you who actually read this entire tantrum, here’s a video that Stephanie (Offbeat Mama) shared with me that really cheered me up: