My ex-husband took Peezu, shattering my heart into a million pieces that are all piercing my innards with every breath I take.
The other morning was the first morning that I awoke and didn’t have to rush out of bed to walk a dog. While it was nice to be able to wake up naturally and linger in bed for a while, it also felt so strange. I naturally felt anxiety about taking Peezu out, even though I knew she wasn’t even there for me to feel anxious about. I wonder how long this feeling of needing to care for a beast who isn’t even there will linger, like a phantom limb.
I do really miss the old animal gang. I miss having a crazy home full of wild beasts, I miss caring for them, and I even miss their stupid barks sometimes… only sometimes.
When I come home now I still expect to hear the pitter patter of little Peezu claws, as she wiggles excitedly down the hall towards me. I often brace myself to hear Jackson’s loud guard bark when my neighbor opens his creaky security gate.
But the reality is that my old family is gone — the husband and two dogs — and now it’s just me and my cat. I call us “the original cast,” because before there was ever a husband or a dog, there was The Woogs and me.
I will now admit something that I feel guilty about… (lean in while I whisper it in your ear…)
It’s actually been pretty nice. Yeesh, am I worst person EVER, or what!?
But but but — I have a lot more freedom to enjoy my, well, freedom! I get to do and go where I want. I can stay out late without any anxiety (once the phantom dog syndrome is gone). Most importantly, as long as I ask my neighbor to check in on the cat, I can travel at the drop of a hat. Just as it was back when it was the original cast. Just as it was back when my life was also super-extremely awesome.
Being dog-less will take some getting used to. I’ll need to cry through the phantom dog pain whenever it comes up. And eventually I will have a dog of my own again. But for now, it’s just The Woogs and me, a girl and her cat, ready to take on this new, less hectic, less-barky, chapter in our lives together.