funk in deep freeze

My thoughts on getting pregnant…

04 Sep 2009 9 Comments

by meganfinley in kids, me Tags: kids, pregnancy

Here’s the deal — I don’t want kids. I never have and I don’t think I ever will. And for years now I’ve had person after person tell me “oh that’ll change.” But it hasn’t. In fact, the older I get the more I realize that I really don’t want kids. The only thing that has changed is that I’ve started to feel my biological clock ticking. And I’m wondering if that’s what people mean by, “one day you’ll want kids.” Have all those people confused the feeling of their bodies becoming ready to get pregnant with the feeling of actually wanting a kid? I don’t know. I have a feeling that’s part of it.

But even with my body telling me that it’s time, my logical mind is telling me NO FREAKING WAY! I’m not responsible enough, I’m not patient enough, I’m not tolerant enough, I’m not maternal enough, I’m not stable enough and I’m not employed enough to have a kid. Plus I have this weird “bellybutton thing” — amongst several other general fears of the human body — all those weird pregnancy changes would just freak me out WAAAAY to much.

But besides all the obvious reasons that we shouldn’t have kids there’s one major reason why I never want to produce offspring. And though what I’m about to say may sound funny, I assure you, I am in no way kidding…

One time, I saw a pile of babies.

I was at a family event when it happened, there were grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends in attendance. Most all of the cousins and friends there had just had babies and someone had the brilliant idea to take a group photo of all the newest additions. So they all placed their babies on a blanket one by one. About 5 or 6 half-naked, sticky, drooling babies squirming around and crawling over one another.

I was witness to a pile of small humans. And that my friends is now one of the main reasons I don’t want kids. I really would rather not contribute to the small pile of babies that my family is creating.

I’ll tell you something that I’ve just recently admitted to myself though — I almost wish that I wanted to have kids. Things would actually be easier on us in some ways to just know that was what we wanted instead of never really being 100% sure. It would also make our families super happy. I’d love to see my dad become a grandpa. I’d love to see what a combination of both Aaron and me would look like. (Probably so goofy that it’d be the ugliest/cutest thing I ever saw.) And I bet being pregnant feels freaking amazing and it’s all very romantic. But as it stands I’m just not ready for that and Aaron’s not ready for that, nor do I think we’ll ever be.

So that’s that. Babies are still a no-go even though I can feel that pesky biological clock. I just keep hitting the snooze button in hopes that the damn clock will just run out of batteries and shut itself off soon.